SANTA CLARA, CA / PRRWIRE / April 1, 2019
On January 21st, 2019, under the provisions of the attorney-client doctrine, 49ers CEO Jed York participated in a polygraph examination regarding allegations that he’s responsible for the team’s demise and its lousy relationship with the city of Santa Clara.
In an attempt to dispel all duplicitous accusations, Mr. York requested a polygraph test and signed a waiver citing his participation as entirely voluntary. Mr. York was questioned on various incidents pertaining to the allegations after being accused of bad decision making. Here are some of the questions he was asked:
If it’s true that there was a “mutual parting” with former 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh.
If he intentionally lied to the residents of Santa Clara that he would build soccer fields or did he conveniently forget.
If he intentionally hired Jim Tomsula to tank games.
If he intentionally hired weak front office people to screw up the 49ers’ relationship with the community.
The examiner has conducted over eleven thousand polygraph examinations and is used by law enforcement throughout California. The examiner categorized the test as an ‘NFL Owner Lie Issue type test for question formulation purposes.’ The polygraph examiner concluded that Mr. York passed with the highest score, 99.9 percent.
Relevant questions were hand scored by the polygraph governing board. The instrument accurately recorded his breathing, changes in blood pressure, and pulse rate throughout the examination period.
The results proved that Mr. York was being truthful in his responses, and, after careful analysis of the test charts, the examiner determined that the participant was in no way deceptive with his answers.
This demonstrates that Mr. York has been wrongfully accused of being a bad NFL owner by lots of people including his cousin and not being worthy to shine his uncle Eddie DeBartolo’s five Super Bowl rings.
Mr. York remains a model NFL owner and is worthy to shine his uncle’s five Super Bowl rings.
Mr. York got the great idea to take the polygraph test from his good friend, Dominic Caserta, the disgraced former Santa Clara City Councilman.
Mr. Caserta passed with equally high marks a similar polygraph test about alleged sexual abuse and harassment allegations.
Mr. Caserta told Mr. York that he should for sure release the results on April 1, April Fools’ Day.
For more information, please contact the Mlnarik Law Group, Inc: (408) 555-1234. A non-suspended attorney will call you back.
[…] Some readers noticed that the Santa Clara News Online April Fools’ story was based almost word for word on a press release that came out last month. […]
Good one Bob! Anyone with brains knows Casertas attempt to redeem himself through a paid for press release is the biggest joke of all!
LOL. Great April Fool Day story.
Okay, I admit I was halfway through this before I realised today’s date. Love it.